Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
