dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
