So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
