Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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