i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
