we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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