My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize