Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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