We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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