i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
