I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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