i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
