i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
