dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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