In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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