I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
