I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
