umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
