I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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