have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
