So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
