Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
