you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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