i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
