Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
