Sry I called you an 8
no, he came in my armpit
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
