I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
