just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
How's work?
Spinning.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
