Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
