so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
