i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
