There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
