I got her a Nickelback box set.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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