Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
