Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
