he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
