Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
