We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
