dude i'm inner monologue high
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
