I think im going to throw up on grandma
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
