Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
