Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
