You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
