he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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