to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
