If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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