He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
