so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
