its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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