Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You have to summon your inner elephant
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
