he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
