This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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