hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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