Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
