He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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