i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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