it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
