apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
