Sry I called you an 8
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
