I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
