we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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