You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
