Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
