is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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