Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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