I'm jealous of your bromance
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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