Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize