I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
