I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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