rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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