Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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