My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
