If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
