I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
