So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
