I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize