so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
