don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My day in three words: secret purse cake
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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