So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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