I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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