Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
