you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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