just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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