Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
