Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize