when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
