An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
