Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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