They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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