I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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