Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
