Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
