didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
