Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
