my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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