Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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