god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
