Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
