I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize