I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
