just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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