after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
