I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
