I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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