I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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