I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
