My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
