is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize