i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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